Yes, yes, I know… the site’s a mess right now. Half the pages are missing, information has gone rogue and disappeared, some of my pictures have either grown smaller in size or simply pulled out a digital middle finger and gave up the ghost. In short, this site is a huge bag of fail at the moment. But that’s okay, while I toil away in fixing it we can all have a good laugh at my expense.

Anyone who works in any modern office building will tell you that electronic locks are a pretty sweet deal for the most part. No need to deal with keys or waiting for a receptionist to show up to get in the door. No, no. We’re privy to having swipe cards, swipe keys, or nothing at all. And that last category is the one I fall into: I generally don’t need shit to get in or out of the office. Instead, the lock is on a timer. At 6 or so every morning, the doors unlock automagically. At 6 or so every evening, the doors lock automagically. Pretty simple, right?

Not so much. I’m not sure why, but whoever runs the lock system likes to mix things up a bit. Take last Friday for example. Five o’clock rolled around, and we all know how it goes: haul ass for the door. In the process of hauling said ass for said door, I never stopped to consider that the door might actually be locked. The resulting collision was like watching a three-year-old child running as fast as possible, their little legs a blur of motion, and then suddenly not being able to put on the brakes. I didn’t even slow down. I went head first into this door at flat-out speeds, and as I lay on the ground I realized, “Everyone on the planet saw that.” It was a guarantee. Because that’s my luck.

I’m sure up above in the atrium, the guy that runs the lock system was on the ground himself… laughing.