Larz and I had been planning to see Beowulf (IMDB) for about a week before we actually saw it, so as you might imagine the anticipation was pretty thick as we rolled into the movie theater Friday evening. Let me start by suggesting that if you see this movie, do so at a theater that offers it in 3D. Not IMAX. 3D. Two different things. To be honest, I’m not so sure I’d have enjoyed the movie as much if I didn’t get to see Angelina Jolie’s computer-generated breasts in breath-taking 3D.
As an aside it should be noted that I haven’t witnessed anything 3D in some time. My last encounter was probably a comic book with some cheesy-ass red and blue paper glasses… fifteen or so years ago. So you might say it’s been a while. Nor have I kept up on any emerging three-dimensional technologies. Nonetheless, I was a bit surprised when we were handed a pair of dorky looking sunglasses after paying eleven dollars a ticket (don’t worry, it’s worth it). Hardly fashionable enough to wear in public, yet I didn’t feel like I looked the part of a special education student either. I was pretty psyched when we took our seats and I anxiously tore open the packaging containing our newly bought pseudo-sunglasses. Since we arrived early after hearing that this movie was rather popular, and hence wanting to ensure our viewing pleasure, I was feeling rather on edge with waiting twenty minutes before using my glasses. So I test fit them over my regular glasses. Fit like a charm. After conversing for at least fifteen minutes, yelling at the obviously-didn’t-make-it-in-Hollywood filler host on the pre- pre- previews, the first real preview came on. I put my glasses on because Larz had told me one or two of the previews would be in 3D as well. Bad, bad move. Don’t put those puppies on until you’re instructed. The first preview, which was not 3D, came on and if I had epilepsy I’d have gone into a fucking coma. Thankfully I don’t and so I didn’t enjoy a nice relaxing seizure all over the theater floor. Thankfully. It did, however, give me one massively huge headache. Again, don’t put the 3D glasses on until you’re instructed.
And the movie itself? Amazing. From a technical standpoint computer-generated characters are becoming so lifelike I almost had a difficult time distinguishing between what was real and what wasn’t. It’s for that reason that if you plan on taking kids to see this… don’t. It’s bloody, it’s gory and it has loads of nudity and sexual situations. While Angelina Jolie’s character doesn’t show everything, she certainly doesn’t leave anything to the imagination. I’m not joking… kids: no-no. Just because it says PG-13 doesn’t make it okay, and that’s coming from a fun-loving, foul-mouthed, sexually-active, blood-thirsty action geek (basically your typical mid-twenties American male), so you know it ain’t appropriate. I was somewhat amazed that this wasn’t rated R, but I digress. The movie.
The storyline was pretty good, and as far as I can tell, accurate to the original story (Wikipedia). The only part that wasn’t as faithful as it could have been was Beowulf’s relationship with regards to Grendel’s mother. I don’t recall a translation or telling of the story that includes Beowulf engaging in a one-night stand, nor do I recall one in which that encounter bore a child that could later morph into a dragon. Fuck it. Who knows. Anyways, the movie was very entertaining. I highly suggest seeing it if you’re in the mood for something different or if you’re a fan of the story.
